Deer in the Headlights: Whitetail Versus Redneck

“Deer in the Headlights” You Tube Cartoon

Late one night by the pale moonlight
We was drivin’ up the interstate blind.
A hundred-n-ten was her best top end
With them knobby mud tires to wind.
My buddy and me, we was chasing the “Z”
About a straightaway ahead of my truck.
I could see from the plate that he was out of state
Still I knew that we were pushin’ our luck.
Chorus
Deer in the Headlights
Deer in the Headlights
The ultimate fee for inactivity.
Deer in the Headlights
We crossed the county line, the advantage was mine
Having driven here since I was just ten.
Cause I knew he’d slow down when he reached the false crown
And I’d blow his doors off then.
I buried the tach as we crossed the track
When my buddy cried out “Holy shit!”.
“Z”’s lights flickered red then he peeled out instead
While I just drove straight on through it.
Chorus
Now the sign says ‘Deer Crossing’, but it was just joshing
Cause that buck was just standing his ground
The “Z” he slipped by (he thought luckier than I)
As Bambi discovered my plow.
It was too late to jam on the brakes
That deer was nowhere to be found.
I launched the young buck with the weight of my truck
But we didn’t know where he’d come down.
Chorus
The truck was a Dodge, the model a Ram
Tween the 2 an easy no-brainer.
But, I guess for a deer, the decision’s not clear
And results in a 2-and-a-half gainer.
‘Bout a hundred yards up, the “Z” ran outta luck
When that deer finally met its fate
It bounced off the road, then I saw it explode
As it rear-ended the Z28.
Chorus
We were laughing out loud with the gathering crowd
While this gen X-er stood scratching his bean
And we knew the best part would not even start
Till the highway patrol reached the scene.
He tried to explain how the deer seemed so tame
As he drove home from the bars.
Unfamiliar with deer, he tried to steer clear
But he didn’t know that they chased cars.
Chorus
The cop asked, “How fast when the deer tried to pass?”.
In his most sarcastic voice.
The kid said, “No joke, I don’t even smoke.”.
But the cop said he had no choice.
Smoky’s unimpressed and the boy’s under arrest
We were laughin’ out loud at this clown.
But I felt kinda bad for this speedy young lad
Cause he the deer’d run HIM down.
Chorus
(Indecision results in collision)

While recovering from minor surgery and exploring the therapeutic efficacy of narcotics, I began working on this song as a follow-up to “Moose” (a song from the Millenia album). I thought it was hilarious while I was composing it, but it required a bit of polish after the drugs wore off because the rhyming scheme is complicated and relatively unforgiving. Even now when I listen to it, it makes me laugh so I think it was worth it. Who knows, maybe I’ll continue to write country songs about road kill. Hell, everyone’s gotta find their niche.

 

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